Wednesday 24 July 2013

update

Well, since I last wrote and committed to eating better despite the excuses I have made for myself, I have lost two whole pounds.
I started writing down everything I ate and drank. I ate a lot of vegetables—5 cups a day—and drank 3L of water every day in week one. We even went camping 2 weekends ago and I pre-measured my oats and brought a gigantic bag of vegetables to ensure I didn’t just eat hot dogs and drink beer. This all proved to be successful in week one—I lost 2 pounds. I carried that 3 more days into week 2 of my new eating regime. Then I just went nuts for 4 days. I ate a hot dog one night because I didn’t make time to prep a healthy dinner and I needed to throw something together quickly. The weekend came and my in-laws came for a visit, which has always meant celebrating them being in Victoria with a lot of high fat foods and drinking lots of sparkling wine.  Foods I normally wouldn’t buy were in my fridge and cupboards. I hate wasting and throwing out food so what do I do after a weekend of bad eating? Drink an entire bottle of wine and eat chips and salsa at 11pm Monday night because they were already opened. I didn’t even enjoy my multiple cheat meals because I felt guilty the whole time, knowing I was just taking steps further back from my goals.
Why am I so undisciplined? WHY is this so damn hard for me? I am so frustrated with myself.  It’s not that complicated: eat healthier, keep working out, stick to the plan. It is easy to get into a place of self-loathing but I have been working hard to shush those negative voices in my head. So, bitch fest and self pitying is now over…time to be grateful and look at the positives:
·         I have lost, albeit very slowly, 24 pounds in the past 8 months. Two pounds in two weeks is still two pounds. Bring out the balloons and a party hat—I’m never going to see this number on the scale again.
·         I am just 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight and one dress size away from fitting most of my old clothes. Sooooo close.
·         I have the active lifestyle part down. No one has to tell me twice to get off my butt and outside to exercise. I actually love it—something I never ever thought I’d say even just 2 years ago.
·         I’ve built a lot of core strength even after having two kids. We had a little competition in a gym class this past weekend; after an hour of bootcamp drills, we were challenged to hold a plank position for 5 minutes. Only one other person and I did it.
I think planking runs in the family! This is all my son wants to do all day.

·         I’ve got a super supportive spouse. I’m at home with the kids this year—and I choose to run over laundry and dishes all the time.  He actually said to me last week, “I understand if things aren’t done around the house because you are out running or exercising—that’s important.” He takes care of both kids on the days I have run clinic sessions, cleans up after the kids every day and puts our oldest to bed.
·         Really? My biggest suffering is not being able to drop weight fast enough? Total first world problem. I’m so thankful this is the kind of thing I have time to fret about.
·         I have a lot of people rooting for me in this journey. People care and have been so supportive.  I’ve learned in blogging that if you put it all out there, you are blessed with people sharing their own very personal struggles and encouraging you to be successful.

Yup, I can do this. I’m committing to all y’all that I am not giving up, not giving in to my frustration, and that next week there will be some more victories to post about.
I was so successful in week one of reformed eating because i ate A LOT of veggies.  Here's 1 day's worth of vegetables and lean protein


Tuesday 9 July 2013

food is 90% of the battle


Today an old friend from high school reminded me, “working out is 5%, diet is 90% and rest is the other 5%” when it comes to healthy living. Awesome. I’ve got 5% of it down.  The healthy eating thing continues to plague me and I’m back to being so frustrated with myself. Weighing myself weekly has become a joke.  I hate the scale. It reads the same number back at me every week these days.  I’m not surprised by that—I know what I’ve put into my body throughout the week. At run clinic sessions I feel so heavy and burdened…I liken it to carrying a blue kettlebell (35 lbs) of excess weight with me all the time. I know my lower back pain flares up because I’m arching my back, overcompensating for the weight that’s sitting in the front.  My whole body is screaming at me to stop the madness and get lean.  It’s not that I don’t know what to do to lose this stupid bundt cake attached to the front of my torso.  It comes down to beating the voices in my head that say, “you can’t do it.” At the root of my inability to become a healthy weight is me buying in to a bunch of excuses:
“you’ve never had defined abs so what makes you think you could have them now in your 30’s”
“you just had a baby. Your skin is stretched, you’re retaining water, you’re of course going to look dumpy because of what your body went through last year”
“you inherited the body shape of an apple on stilts so you are genetically predisposed to looking this way…forever”
“running long distance doesn’t result in weight loss. Once you run 14K and over your body holds on to every calorie you consume so it has energy to make it through the next long run. As long as you keep running half marathons you are not going to lose weight”
“you don’t have time to meal prep”
“it’s not worth choking down protein shakes and kale. Food should be enjoyed—live to eat, not eat to live”
“you don’t have the willpower—you’re not mentally strong enough to stick to it”
“35 pounds is a scary number—it’s a lot of weight which means it will take a really long time. It’s too overwhelming”
“I don’t look THAT bad right now. I can get away with how I look right now and embrace my mediocrity”
“you’ve been trying to lose this weight for 2 years. You haven’t done it yet. What makes you think you’re going to do it ever”
I don’t think those voices of doubt will ever go away. But what I need to do is create a response to every one of those fears and excuses. “F*@# you” is a start but I can be a bit more uplifting to myself than that. Here’s what I’m going to do starting right now:
-          Write down everything I eat. I bought a journal to do this 3 weeks ago and haven’t had the nerve to start yet. Trish (bootcamp instructor) is going to review it once a week
-          Text everything I eat to my friend Sarah who will review it once a day (thanks SK!!) This way on a daily and weekly basis I’ve got to think about my food choices and people will hold me accountable
-          Go back to drinking lots of water.  I’ve been substituting coffee in there a lot these days.  3L minimum a day!!
-          Make black and white rules for myself so there is no room for bad decisions made at moments of weakness (like camping, take out food, etc.)
-          Focus only on a small interim goal for now. I’m headed to Winnipeg for a wedding on August 9.  One month, and the goal is 8 pounds.  Aggressive, yes!  That is what I need or else I make many excuses for myself and cheat
Another old friend from my days in Edmonton also gave me a great mantra recently: “you WILL eat again.”  So true; there is never a need to hammer back food like the apocalypse is here.  And one last quote that I have been thinking about every day: “if you want to look different, you have to do something different.”
So, who is going to join me on the quest to conquer 90% of the battle?